Sailor Moon Top Tens
by justanotherfanficwriter
Summary: Silly stuff in the Sailor Moon universe
1. Top Ten Medical Complaints

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top 10 medical complaints in the Sailor Moon universe (and how to treat them)**

10.) **Continuous Eye Twitch.** Brought on after watching Michiru playing violin for hours while simultaneously bouncing a lemon on it at one of her concerts. To treat annoying twitches: sue Michiru for visual distress.

9.) **Deafness. **Takes place when someone is within earshot of one of Usagi's crying jags. To shut her up or distract her, offering food or something called a 'Mamo-chan' (not to be confused with a mammogram) seems to work best.

8.) **Nervous breakdown. **This happens when a passerby sees Luna or Artemis speaking in public. Suggestion: Wear blinders when walking down the street. What you can't see won't hurt you.

7.) **Nausea.** Caused by watching Sailor Moon spin rapidly around, shouting "_Moon Spiral Heart Attack!__" _Solution: eat a banana and throw the peel at her so she'll slip and fall, thus stopping the dizzying spin.

6.) **Shoulder dislocation.** This happens after catching a falling Sailor Chibi-Moon flung from high-rise buildings. Solution: treat shoulder dislocation and don't attempt to catch Chibi-Moon again. This is Sailor Moon's job anyway.

5.) **Seizures.** Brought on after hearing Chibi-Chibi chirping "chibi, chibi" all day. Solution: Take two pills and have Chibi Chibi taken away by the Children and Family Services Agency.

4.) **Appendectomy.** This happens when someone gets an eyeful of Beryl's over-use of makeup, causing hysterical laughing fit which ruptures appendix. Solution: Bring water spray with you and drench Beryl with it, causing makeup to run down her face.

3.) **Severe constipation.** Occurs after eating one of Minako's cooked dishes. Solution: drink lots of prune juice and report Minako to the Food Standards Agency.

2.) **Narcolepsy.** Brought on by accidentally overhearing Tuxedo Mask's boring speeches. Solution: Carry an Ipod that blares music to drown out Tuxedo Mask's voice.

1.) **Possession.** Caused whenever a youma, cardian, daimon, etc. invades a human host. Solution: quick, call an exorcist!!!


	2. Top Ten Books SM characters will write

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top Ten books Sailor Moon characters will write**

10.) _**Flirting Is Good But Getting Away With It Is Better,**_ by Haruka

9.) **_Respecting Your Future Mother And Other Fantasies,_ **by Chibiusa

8.) _**Resurrection: A Complete Guide,**_ by Setsuna

7.)_ **Recovering from Obsession: When Lamp Collecting Turned From Fun To Duty**,_ by Hotaru

6.)_ **Channeling Your Anger: How To Be A Successful Assassin,**_ by Rei

5.)_ **Overcoming Idolomania And Other Failures,** _by Minako

4.)_ **A Real Man Is Always Rescued By Women**,_ by Mamoru (Special! Buy this and get his _'**How To Live Like A Millionaire** **Without Working'**_ at half price!)

3.)_ **How to Speak Chibi in A Cute Voice (and Have People Wrapped Around Your Little Finger**),_ by Chibi-Chibi

2.)_ **100 Ways to Destroy the Moon AND Earth**,_ by Beryl

1.)_ **How To Rent Out Your Forehead As Advertising Space**,_ by Taiki


	3. Top Ten comments at the Pearly Gates

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top Ten things SM characters hear at the Pearly Gates**

10.) "Haruka, I don't care that you're wearing a cross. You killed someone and you're a sexually active homosexual. Turn around, go down the hallway, make a left and take the escalator down… down, down, all the way down."

9.) "Michiru, it doesn't matter how much money you have. Up here we don't accept bribes. We're not taking Haruka, and that's that! And by the way, please follow her…"

8.) "Super Sailor Mercury, I'm afraid we have enough harp players already. Do you mind waiting in Hades for a few months? We may get some extra space by then – sometimes the harp players quit and take up sandal making."

7.) "Luna, Artemis, Diana, I know you're upset but the movie says 'All DOGS go to heaven', not _cats_…"

6.) "Makoto, we've been waiting for you! With your green thumb and Pegasus contributing fertilizer, our gardens will be the best we've ever had!"

5.) "Chibi-usa… Chibi-usa… no, your name is NOT on our list…"

4.) "No Mamoru, you haven't been brainwashed again. You're just dead."

3.) "For the last time Minako, we don't have a TV show called 'Heavenly Idol.'"

2.) "Oh no, it's Usagi… quick, hide the Philly cream cheese… last time she ate it all in five minutes…"

1.) "You girls are here AGAIN? But I sent you back to earth only two months ago!"


	4. Top Ten cheesy Pickup Lines

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top Ten cheesy Pickup Lines Sailor Moon characters use**

10.) Ami: Umm… um… uhh… (turns beet red) Gomen… so, do you prefer Einstein's groundbreaking Special Theory of Relativity, or do you prefer the modern Quantum Theory and its Uncertainty Principle?

9.) Haruka: I can do things with a motorbike you've never seen. Like drive on a wall, win at motocross every time and crash the bike without breaking it up. If you take a ride with me I'll prove it to you!

8.) Queen Beryl: You look like you brainwash easily. Do you like black roses by any chance?

7.) Setsuna: Do you have the time? Because I certainly do – for you.

6.) Naru: I get kidnapped a lot, but you look like the kind of person who can rescue me.

5.) PGSM Artemis: Hey ladies! I'm cuddly, cute and I cook too! What's not to like about me?

4.) Yaten: You'll never be as well dressed as I, but I'm willing to give you second place.

3.) Chibiusa: You have everything I find attractive – hooves, horns and a tail. What's your number?

2.) Michiru: I'm having problems with the zipper on this dress. Would you mind pulling it up for me?

1.) Minako: Single, lonely, desperate girl here! I'm a bad nurse, a terrible cook and way too hyper, but at least I'm honest and cheerful! Who wants to… guys? (scratches head) That's funny. Where'd everyone go?


	5. Top Ten Math Quiz

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top Ten Sailor Moon Math Quiz**

10.) Artemis is trying to win Luna's heart. For five days he's worked nonstop, bringing him to a total of 120 hours so far. How long will Luna wait for him to collapse before she goes on another date with Rhett Butler?

9.) Makoto is making cakes when Usagi drops in. Usagi has not eaten since ten o'clock that morning. It is now five o'clock in the afternoon. a) How many cakes will Usagi eat before she's full? And b) how many months will it take Makoto to recover from the exhaustion of feeding Usagi?

8.) Minako is attempting to become an idol. On Monday, she performed at a local idol competition. On Tuesday, she crashed a TV station's live broadcast and sang on camera. On Wednesday, she fled the city to escape arrest. How long will it be before she can safely return to Tokyo?

7.) Michiru is giving a concert. When it's over, Seiya visits her in her dressing room. One thing leads to another and he starts to unzip her dress. Haruka walks in, but this time there is no Usagi to speak on Seiya's behalf. How long will it take Haruka to kill him?

6.) If two youma and three cardians invade Tokyo at the same time, how long will it take for the entire city to be pulverized?

5.) Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako and Usagi confront a youma and start to transform. How long does it take the youma to realize it could go home, watch a movie and return before the girls finish turning into senshi?

4.) How many roses does Tuxedo Mask toss every day before he pricks himself with their thorns?

3.) Minako sets towards the park at 5:30 pm. The park is five and a half km away from her. Minako is traveling at 10 km per hour. Five minutes after she starts off, she gets distracted and heads into the Crown to play video games, where she spends half an hour. When she leaves she travels to the park at 15 km per hour. Ten minutes after that she stops to buy an ice cream, which takes two minutes. How long will it take her to get to the park?

2.) Kaolinite is sending daimon eggs into the city to search for pure hearts at a rate of 10 per hour. Eudial is sending daimon eggs into the city to search for pure hearts at a rate of 13 per hour. Which woman will be the first to be 'terminated' by Professor Tomoe, who's pissed off because Mimette ran away with a pop star?

1.) On her first history quiz, Usagi gets 44. On her second quiz, she gets 32. On her third quiz she gets 26. What will she get on her fourth quiz?

_Bonus question:_ How many times does Usagi say "Minna!" (everyone) in all 200 Sailor Moon episodes?


	6. Top Ten Resolutions never made

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and... you get the drift.

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**Top Ten Resolutions SM characters never had the guts to make**

10.) Haruka: I'm going to apologize to Makoto for beating her up.

9.) Makoto: I'm going to tell Haruka she looks like an idiot with that scarf, and her ears look like jug handles.

8.) Ami: I'm going to quit cram school and spend my evenings eating corn dogs and driving bumper cars in the amusement park.

7.) Usagi: I'm going to disown Chibiusa for making out with Mamo-chan.

6.) Rei: The next time Usagi cries I'm going to film her on my camcorder and post it on YouTube.

5.) Minako: I'm going to tell Rei she looks like a slut when she flashes her underwear.

4.) Michiru: I'm going to dump Haruka for flirting with other girls in front of me.

3.) Taiki: I'm going to stop wearing suits made with massive shoulder pads.

2.) Yaten: I'm going to take lessons from Miss Manners.

1.) Setsuna: I'm going to kick Chibiusa every time she calls me 'Puu'.


	7. Top Ten reasons for white underwear

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**Top Ten reasons the Inner Senshi wear White Underwear**

10.) Discount price for buying them 'in bulk'

9.) Contain top-secret homing device which allows Tuxedo Kamen to track the girls down so he can lecture them during fights

8.) Ami said they can run, kick and leap faster wearing white underwear because they weigh less than colored ones - and the girls believed her

7.) Easy to remove the souvenirs of battle (i.e. dirt) using bleach

6.) Usagi suggested sewing little smiley faces on them, but was soundly slapped by Rei so that was that

5.) If the senshi ever quit during a battle they can always use them as 'white flags' of surrender

4.) Haven't realized that thongs exist

3.) Unity in underwear really brings home the point that they're a team

2.) They tried purple, but it clashed with their outfits

1.) Oxymoronic symbol of purity, since short-short skirts must be flipped upwards to reveal undies


	8. More Top Ten Books

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and make no money from this

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**More Top Ten Books the Senshi Will Write**

**10.) _How to weird people out with your laugh, _**by Tiger's Eye

**9.) _No Surgery Required: Male to Female and back again the easy way,_ **by Seiya

**8.) _There IS life without television: My experiences wandering through fiber-optic cables,_ **by Mimette

**7.) _Playing with a full Deck: Fun ways to entertain using Cards and a Flute, _**by Ail and Ann

**6.) _Ü__ber-Boring: an autobiography,_ **by Ami _(Warning! Do not read while operating heavy machinery, driving or performing other coordinated tasks)_

**5.) _Making up my Mind: Confessions of a Closet Bisexual,_ **by Michiru

**4.)_ Turning on the Charm: Getting others to pay your share of the bill,_ **by Usagi

**3.) _The Pied Piper of Hamelin: a Tribute, _**by Zoicite

**2.) _Fringes: Eyesore Or Visual Aid?,_ **by Youchirou

**1.) _Tales of the Green Blazer: How to look like a Golfing Pro,_ **by Mamoru


	9. Top Ten reasons the Starlights suck

Standard disclaimer applies. Thanks to one of my friends for helping me out with this, the:

**Top Ten Reasons the Starlights suck**

10.) NO ORIGINALITY. Rei and Michiru are psychics. Ami's the egghead. Makoto and Haruka are jocks. Haruka and Michiru are musically talented. Was it really necessary to repeat these personalities with the Starlights _again?_

9.) NO RHYTHM SECTION. A band without a bassist is no band at all. And where's the drummer? All they have is Yaten on guitar while Taiki plinks away at a keyboard.

8.) NO SHAME. Seiya agrees to undress Michiru – and he barely knows her.

7.) NO MANNERS. Yaten has to be one of the rudest characters in the entire SMverse.

6.) NO HEART. Taiki sees Ami attacked by a soul-snatcher, and what does he do? Leaves her to fight it alone.

5.) NO MOTTO. The other senshi vowed to die to save their queen. The Starlights on the other hand just wanted to find their queen and get back to their own galaxy, and to hell with what was happening on Earth with Galaxia.

4.) NO CLUE. Yaten the super-psychic can tell when Galaxia kills Mamoru, but he doesn't realize the ten girls he's surrounded by are Sailor Senshi. Looks like his interstellar rabbit ears need cleaning…

3.) NO SENSE. The Starlights appear out of nowhere (literally overnight, it seems) in Tokyo, yet everybody knows about them. Were they world idols _before_ going to Japan? How do they explain their sudden popularity and success?

2) NO BORDERS. Seiya gets a little pie on his face, and he immediately takes a shower in Usagi's bathroom instead of heading back to his apartment. Doesn't he know there are certain borders he can't cross so brazenly?

1) NO STYLE. Their black-leather uniforms look like they come out of an S&M bondage fantasy. They need to dress better than that!


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